Love A.D.D.erall

At 21 they diagnosed me with AD/HD & gave me smart pills. My grades shot up & my future brightened & some said I was better. But I am numb inside of this drug. People I love become distant strangers sometimes, so proud of me for victories I didn’t earn. How do I tell them I am not what I do or have done. I’ll never be happy on this drug, but I’ll never be successful without it. If only I could Love Adderall.

Archive for June, 2005

Tom Cruise’s Scientology; Religion as Masochism

Why can’t Tom Cruise be more like the guys he pretends to be in movies? True, “Maverick” was no less arrogant than the real-life actor who portrayed him, but at least the cocky pilot and his cause were worth rooting for. SUch is not the case with the Scientology agenda Cruise aligns himself with off-camera.

In his recent interview with MSNBS’s Matt Lauer, the actor and devout Scientologist added himself to the long list of celebrities posing as authorities in areas outside the realm of their expertise. Here, he calls psychiatry a “pseudoscience” and boldly states that “there is no such thing as a chemical imbalance,” while also taking pot shots at people all over the world who suffer from psychiatric disorders or learning disabilities. Though Lauer pummels Cruise in the debate, it’s unclear whether the latter understood the point: that it’s not his place to decide how other people should address their problems.

In myriad ways, religion is superfluous in today’s world. But Scientology is downright scary, as it this recent trend among the pathologically “faithful” to invite their health to deteriorate so as not to piss off a supposedly loving God, as evidenced by the Nigerians suspicion that the polio vaccine was a plot by Americans to alienate Africans from the God, to say nothing of monotheism’s spreading of AIDS through its global crusade against condoms and safe sex. Prayer should supplement a healthy life, not substitute for it.

Appetite Suppression

Usually, adderall is an appetite suppressant. It blocks off the part of our brain that helps us feel hungry and lets us know we need to eat.

I lost about 60 lbs. during my first 8 months on adderall. Trouble was, the medication also inspired me to be more productive and active at the gym. So at first I attributed the weight loss to my workouts.

Then I realized I couldn’t remember the last time I’d craved food. I mean, I still get the weak and empty, foodless feeling in my stomach, but I don’t get “tastebud hungry” on adderall. If that makes any sense. I just have to force myself to eat when my stomach starts growling.

Let’s see how long it takes me to get bored with blogging?

Why write?

Because A.D.D. or AD/HD or Adderall or maybe just regular aging is changing me.  And I feel I should start recording these changes as they occur.

I was on some A.D.D. message boards about a week ago and found them theraputic. So I’ve decided to start blogging about my learning disability and the random thoughts it sends whirling around inside my A.D.D. mind.  Hopefully I’ll find a community meet others like me, friends for whom the world also seems simultaneously too fast and too slow.

Who knows, maybe blogging will become my next obsessive hobby. Maybe some big-wig publisher will notice my writing, thus spurning my big break, my life’s great masterpiece.

But I’ll stop with the lofty pipedreams now. Most likely it will just be a phase, and I’ll get bored with it; blogging will start to feel like homework and I’ll surf away. Being that I have A.D.D., I’ve trained myself to approach all projects with a bit of skepticism, repelling optimism with an army of cynical thoughts.