Love A.D.D.erall
At 21 they diagnosed me with AD/HD & gave me smart pills. My grades shot up & my future brightened & some said I was better. But I am numb inside of this drug. People I love become distant strangers sometimes, so proud of me for victories I didn’t earn. How do I tell them I am not what I do or have done. I’ll never be happy on this drug, but I’ll never be successful without it. If only I could Love Adderall.Generic Ingredient Must Only Be 80% Effective
From a post by Josh Kelley over at ADDforums.com
Yes, Generics must have the same active ingredients (80-120% of the amount is acceptable by the FDA).
Generics effect can be different because of the binders and fillers that effect its release in the body which is I think is the key to its effectiveness. If its released too fast you will experience symptoms of over stimulation (jittery, nervous, anxious, confused,…etc). It would also go out of your symptoms so fast that you experience big crash.
Imagine having a glass of wine every hour over 12 hours or so. You would feel alot better than drinking the whole bottle in 15 minutes.
Once the patent for the active ingredient expires, generic companies can copy the formula but binders and fillers which were developed by the brand manufacturer specifically for the active ingredient to be the smoothest release with the most benefit and least side effects are considered trade secrets that generics can’t touch. usually brand manufacturers spend billions of dollars on research and clinical trials to workout every angle of the drug. Because they put their reputation on the line.
Generic companies don’t care, they will combine the active ingredient with the cheapest binders because they are not required to do clinical trials.When people experience side effects from the generics, generic companies deny any responsibility and blame on the brand manufacturer.
So I’m wondering if anyone in the pharmaceutical industry can confirm or deny these two very disturbing claims, namely:
- A 40% fluctuation (80-120%) really allowed in the amount of active ingredient, and
- The so-called “trade secret” binders that a brand manufacturer selects for its maximum effectiveness can legitimately be replaced with the shittiest, cheapest ones a generic company can find.
If either or both of these are true, than how can pharmaceutical reps honestly say with a straight face that there’s no difference? And if that’s true, then why is it so important to brand manufacturers to keep these secrets in the first place?
Are Doctors Giving Pharmacies a Clue about the Defective Pink CorePharma Adderall?
I’ve been reluctant to talk to my doc about the problems I’ve experienced with the round pink generic Adderall by CorePharma.
For the past four years he and I have had this very nice “You don’t fuck with me, I won’t fuck with you” thing going on. Unlike other doctors in my past who wanted to monitor my social drinking & scrutinize my familial relationships, he really believes that A.D.D. exists and that I have it.
So I try not too push it with complaints that I like one color pill better than another. I guess I also figured he’d just have the same blind faith in the pharmaceutical industries as the mindless clerks behind the counter, the difference being my doctor has the power to stop writing prescriptions if I get to be too much of a pain in the ass.
So last week I was floored when he initiated conversation on the very topic I’ve been biting my tongue about. He said a number of his other patients have complained about the round Adderall being inferior and he was wondering if I’d noticed any difference between it and the old kind. Of course, I then told him about all the negative side effects, how it turns me into a mindless drone, but it’s still slightly better than nothing because it at least prevents me from bouncing off the walls while I’m trying to analyze data and/or write about it.
After our appointment, I went upstairs to fill my prescription and I was doubly ecstatic to find out my pharmacy had switched back to the old orange/peach colored generics by Barr Laboratories.
Ever since my grad student insurance stopped covering off-campus pharmacies, I haven’t been able to afford to go to CVS or Wal-Mart for the Barr generics. So the other day after I filled my prescription was my first time with a non-crappy Adderall in over a year, and, I have to say, any doubts I’d had about the differences are completely gone. That pink shit really just makes me hate life. It also kind of changes who I am as a person, to some degree. For instance, I was always a casual horse racing fan, but for some reason over the last year (right about the time I had to switch permanently to CorePharma pink Adderall), I suddenly became totally obsessed with it. I mean, like, obsessed, as in, starting a new blog about it, making my own custom spreadsheets, trying to devise fancy new speed figures. It really is crazy how much time I’ve spent analyzing Past Performances, and how little time I’ve spent on the things that used to interest me before, such as politics, this blog, science and history, etc. Honestly, if the government wants a way to squash all dissent, they should totally just feed the shitty pink Adderall to the Michael Moores of the world. It really makes you not fucking care. At all.
And now, how strange that it only takes one week of being off of that stuff and suddenly it’s like awoken from a coma. I feel sharper, and able to think outside the box again. And I’m disgusted with how inert I’ve been since that awful CorePharma brand got inside me.
Anyway, I hope this isn’t just a temporary one-month thing with my pharmacy, and that the switch back to Barr (or to any other alternative to the pink CorePharma Adderall) will be permanent.
My doctor asked why I didn’t mention anything to him sooner, and I guess I really definitely should have. And you should too, if you’re among the hundreds of people who’ve commented on my other posts (linked to throughout this entry) that these differences are real and not just in our heads.
Even if you’re afraid to talk to your doctor about it, as I was, just keep talking about it to someone, anyone who will listen. And don’t let the bastards get you down, or convince you it’s your fault.
As for horse racing, I feel like I’m totally not into it. Seriously. There were several major, Grade I, Breeders’ Cup Win & You’re In races in Canada on Saturday, and I haven’teven bothered to check the website to find out who won. Yet somehow, there are still those who say the differences between these two generics are miniscule, or imagined. I’m sorry but, with due respect to those simpletons, this is no placebo! If my passions and hobbies completely change depending on which generic medicine is cheaper for my pharmacy that month, the two medications are not interchangable!
Voluntary Recall of Barr’s 20mg Adderall
From the Food & Drug Administration press release:
Barr Laboratories, Inc. issues a voluntary nationwide recall of Dextroamphetamine/ Amphetamine 20mg Tablets, Lot number 311756
August 13, 2009 – Barr Laboratories, Inc. is initiating a voluntary recall of Dextroamphetamine Saccharate, Amphetamine Aspartate, Dextroamphetamine Sulfate and Amphetamine Sulfate (Mixed Salts of a Single Entity Amphetamine Product) 20mg Tablets, 100 count bottles, lot number 311756. The product identified is being recalled because the affected lot may contain some tablets exceeding weight requirements which may lead to super-potent tablets.
….
Read the full press release.
268 Pages
Life doesn’t feel linear to me. There’s always something big I was working toward “yesterday.” But my goals don’t stay the same long enough to see anything through. I get too good at things and they suddenly bore me; or, I suck at them for too long and the daunting task of improving overwhelms me, so instead of working at it I swear off the whole activity as pointless and lame. Whatever the outcome, the person I am “today” never cares. He just scoffs at yesterday’s efforts as futile.
I have a Word document that’s 268 pages long. It contains all my half-written blog entries from my change-the-world phase. I’d get a thought in my head that I’d think was brilliant, and then I’d start typing it all out. But as I was writing I’d gradually start to lose my interest in it.
Now I’m sort of afraid to go back and read all these unfinished thoughts. Inside those pages lies an answer I don’t want to know. It’s been long enough now that reading them will be almost like reading something new for the first time. If I’m not as wowed by my words as I was while I wrote them, it will tell me something useful—that all that time I thought I was saying something, I was really saying nothing at all. It’s just noise now; just nonsensical words, from a self-important, self-absorbed person who lacked the ability to assess himself accurately.
I’m entering a new phase in my life. Things are different again. As usual I don’t know what I want, or maybe this time I just want nothing. That’s not it; I want something…
I want to believe the “happiness” I choose to pursue in life, can actually make me happy. Otherwise, what is the point, really? Wake up just to avoid sleeping all day? No.
I want to believe in what I’m doing again—even if what I’m doing is truly pointless as hell. I can still hear the keyboard tapping away, blank chatter in the dark night silence, when I could have been living or loving, or at least working.
I click close. No regrets here.
NPR on the Future of Brain-Enhancing Drugs
I’ve long wondered if AD/HD is a myth or exaggeration. Sure, they tell us that Adderall is useful only to people with attention-deficit disorder, but clearly this is false. On college campuses, use of stimulants is rampant. To tell the truth, I’ve never met someone who did not benefit cognitively from Adderall. Which begs the question: what’s so special about me that I deserve this cognative advantage over non-A.D.D.-people who cannot legally take Adderall?
Last Tuesday on NPR’s On Point, host Tom Ashbrook tackled the issue of “mind-enhancers,” and the likelihood that they’ll soon be available to everyone—not just those of us with AD/HD. The show’s guests included:
- Ellen Gibson of BusinessWeek magazine.
- Martha Farah, director of the University of Pennsylvania’s Center for Cognitive Neuroscience at the University of Pennsylvania.
- Thomas Murray, president of The Hastings Center, a bioethics think tank.
- Nora Volkow, director of the National Insitute on Drug Abuse at the National Institutes of Health.
Gibson focused on the business aspect. It’s not just the pharmaceutical companies that want to see this change occur; business managers now see the benefits as well. There is big money in drugs, and the pharmaceutical industry is constantly focusing on the next big thing. We have drugs that help aging housewives remove wrinkles or aging baseball players break homerun records; pills that can renew anything from a thinning hairline to a floppy penis. Gibson points out, practically, that it’s only a matter of time before drugs that enhance the human mind are as widespread and accepted as those that enhance the body. The present generation of college students is already on-board with the notion of using drugs to study, whether they have A.D.D. or not. There’s little reason to believe they’ll change their habits upon entering the work force. Already, stimulants are revolutionizing some of the most sought after and respected career fields. From doctors to lawyers to scientists—even fighter jet pilots—all are known to rely on A.D.D. drugs to maximize their effectiveness and productivity.
Next, Martha Farah described the shift that’s required in our collective thinking, if widespread use of stimulants is to take off in the coming decade. For Farah, the issue is in part a philosophical one. She and her colleagues reject the idea that “enhancement” must be treated as taboo. They liken pharmaceutical mind-enhancers to other means of self-improvement: including education, exercise, sleep, and nutrition. Ultimately, Farah agrees with Gibson that the transformation is “inevitable”—human beings are warming up to drugs that improve mental functioning.
Against Farah and Gibson, Thomas Murray presented a rather bleak future scenario in which everyone has to take drugs in order to be competitive and employable. That’s exactly what happens the sports world, Murray explains, as athletes take steroids more out of necessity than free will. When all of one’s opponents are advantaged in some specific way, it’s awfully hard to deny oneself of that same enhancement.
Adderall and Ritalin clearly offer a competitive advantage. Certainly Adderall can’t make you smarter than everyone, but it definitely turns you into a sharper version of yourself. If I can only do the things I do on Adderall, what happens if everyone else can take it, too?
Finally, Murray poses a question about our education system and the nature of learning. Should education be about memorizing and regurgitating information? By focusing solely on this aspect of learning, are we stifling other forms of intellectual growth, creativity, critical thinking, the ability to connect with ourselves and others?
This very dilemma has troubled me for some time now, as I’ve felt the reigns of academia choking me and smothering me. I used to feel connected to the world and yet still uniquely me. Now, somedays, I feel that I am neither–more like a robot with a brain on autopilot.
All in all, the NPR program touched on a number of pertinet questions, and I enjoyed hearing the back and forth from both sides. You can listen to the segment here.
Blackbird Wisdom & Golden Retriever Turds
I’ve gone north to New England for the holidays. Right now I’m at my old desk, in a high school bedroom that remains forever stuck in 1999. I’m looking out the window at the new white snow, and at the old crows tiptoeing around on it.
At first there was just one bird. Now I see four, five, six of them. They’re lined up on the strip of yard my dogs use as a bathroom, taking turns picking up and carrying away pieces of whatever my golden retrievers deposited this morning. For some reason, this captivates me. It’s like an outdoor grocery store, but the lines are shorter and the food is shittier, and the customers seem less bitchy.
And in at least one way, I wish I could be those crows. Morning finds them content and without expectations, comprehending little about their world. I know far too much about mine, and from it I expect more than I deserve, more than it can give or cares to offer.
Insulated, I sit here in my warm capsule and stare at aging walls. The things hanging on them reflect who I used to be a decade ago, as does too much of what I write. I reflect on how I’ve changed, but can I ever change enough?
And I worry about things trivial to birds and bees. I worry about the coming holiday, I won’t come bearing gifts. I worry about milestones, diamonds I couldn’t afford and didn’t want to, and what that may mean. I hope my company and companionship can substitute for diamonds, hope my heart alone can be enough for one more year, a surrogate symbol, proxy validation for sisters and aunts who prefer to look at rings, eyes that only understand promises when they shimmer.
I worry about my dissertation and whether or not some academic journal no one reads will decide to honor my submission with a “Revise and Resubmit.” As if that way lies wisdom…
But wiser creatures, they don’t live like this. I envy the crows, naked and homeless as they are. For them, stumbling upon a dog turd during their daily trek barefoot through the snow brings genuine happiness (or, at least, more than I might expect to find if and when I see my name in print in the Journal of Contemporary Ethnography).
And if ever there might be some perspective in this crazy world I try to live in, it will be neither my past nor future nor parents nor friends nor lovers, who come along to provide it for me. My role models today are the impromptu custodians in my backyard, naked and homeless indeed, and for the moment they keep my head strangely clear. But serenity soon will fly off with the birds that brought it to me. They are like me in the end. They too eventually will hunger for more.
Jolly-Mooded Mornings
I tossed and turned all night last night, despite 3 Tylenol PMs and two swigs of NightTime Cough Syrup. Not exactly the perfect recipe for jolly-mooded mornings. I can’t remember the last time I woke up happy, excited about the day.
There’s a phase we all go through in life where it’s okay to be indecisive and still asking questions and even on the wrong track. That phase is ending for me now and I’m entering into the one that follows, where doubt swells into anxiety but then relaxes into a comfortable depression, where fears are accepted as simply the way things are. Reality.
So in the night when I toss and turn because the world isn’t as I think it should be, maybe I can find peace in fitting in, being more like most people I meet, who never realized their dreams, or never had any.
